If you were to have talked to me at the beginning of April last year, you would have just seen me being my normal self. I was still that same person who passed you in the hallway everyday with a smile on, laughing and talking to friends. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary to you, so you probably would not have thought anything of it. But what you did not know is that deep down I was experiencing something barely anybody knew about.
I found out last April that one of the my friends was having suicidal thoughts. In fact, this person had been having them for way longer than I had been aware of. It turned out that another friend had known for a good while, and so the two of us tried to help our struggling friend the best we could. We told her we were there for her, that she mattered so much, and that God was with her. However, it was very hard for this person to accept the fact that we were doing this all in an attempt to try and help. This person had tried ending her life several times, but I specifically remember the day when my friend made it very clear to us (me and the same close friend I mentioned earlier) that this would be the last day. I just remember sitting there in a chair kicking my other close friend’s foot knowing we had to act on this sometime. We had to do something. That night I went home and cried to my mom because I was so genuinely worried. I truly did not think my friend would be at school on Monday. I feared what would happen. And yes, I had told my mom about the situation before this time, but only from this point on did the situation continue to escalate.
I spent the next two days scared out of my mind, and anxiously awaiting to hear from my struggling friend. I just had to know they were alive. That sounds so bad, but it was true. I do not really remember if I ever heard from my friend before Monday… but they did walk into school that day. And I was so thankful.
I am not going to go all in depth about the situation because there is so much more that happened. Me sitting here and ranting out something that happened in my life, detail by detail, is not something you want to read… and that is not the point here. It was in those two or so weeks that I began to feel very different. During the day at school, I had so many thoughts running through my head and it was really impacting me. I stopped eating as much as usual. I guess you could say I was depressed. The whole situation really got to me and just made me question so much why someone would find ending his/her life as an option. It made me sad that one of my friends thought that their life did not matter and that if they were gone, no one would care. It hit me so hard. The whole situation changed my outlook on this topic. You know, you never think it will happen to you, or someone you know until it does. You make yourself believe it is some fantasy that people have just made up until you experience it first hand. Then it becomes clear to you.
I am just here to tell you, that you are so worthy, beautiful, loved, matter, and are not alone. Do not doubt any of this child. It is all true.
You are worthy. In our day and age it is really easy to fall into the traps of how society views us. We can look at social media and be discouraged if our post does not get as many likes as one of our friends. Well you know what? You are worth so much more than the amount of likes you get on that Instagram post. It is simply just a number that will not matter next week. The number of likes you get will not impact whether you are able to get into that college. That truly does not matter… so do not seek it. You are worth way more than the amount of followers or likes you have on your social media accounts. You are worth way more than the number of people you talk too and know. You are worth way more than the brand of shoes you wear. Your worth is found solely through Jesus. Jesus thinks that you are worth dying for. He died so you could be at the exact point you are at in your life right now whether it is a hill or a valley. When He was hanging on the cross, He was thinking of you at that exact moment and you know what He said? He said that you are worth dying for.
You are beautiful. Some people get up in the morning walk to the mirror and are so disgusted by the way they look. They find one little flaw and compare it too the way someone else may look. Comparison is the thief of our joy, and when we do this to ourselves by looking to find every little flaw it consumes us. I read something the other day basically saying that the less you think about your appearance and how you look, the more free you feel with. I mean each person was designed to look the way they do. Who cares if you are six feet tall or four foot seven inches? Who cares if you have two pimples or twelve? Ultimately, none of that matters. Your physical beauty does not matter because true beauty comes from within. A true beauty that you have always had. Maybe it is really hard for you to find that beauty. Maybe you struggle in comparing your looks to someone else. I encourage you to seek your beauty through the Lord. The Lord alone has fixed His gaze upon your life and made you beautiful. He does not make mistakes… therefore, you are not a mistake. The unique person you are and your own individual character traits are what makes you beautiful. I encourage you to never seek your beauty in anything else, but in that truth.
You are loved. Oh dear friend there is something so much more to love than you know. In fact, there is a man named Jesus who knew that you were so precious and beautiful that He died for you. He died because He loved you so much and this same man created our whole world. Yes. The Creator of the universe looked at you and said that we need you. He created you because He loves you. He died on a cross for your sake because He loves you. It is easy to seek love in the wrong places in this life, but a true, authentic love is found in Him only. It is found through the One God who longs to grow into a deeper relationship with you because He cares. He cares and loves you so much that if you were to experience it all at once you would be knocked down to the floor. It is very hard for us to comprehend just how immense this love truly is. He is asking us to just open our hearts a little more. He has even more love He wants to pour into our lives than we could ever imagine. We just have to open that part up and let Him love us. He so freely gives it and when we open up, we can feel it so strongly.
You matter. There is no one else on this Earth like you. You were uniquely designed with a mission that no one else has. And you are the only one who can fulfill that mission. This mission you have is used to bring about a greater good in the community and those around you. There is someone out there who needs you specifically in their life. They need you. Yes, you. They need you. I just ran into this quote and it said, “God didn’t add another day in your life because you needed it, He added it because someone out there needs you.” You can be that light to someone to show and lead them to Him. You can be a beacon of hope and light to those around you showing them their purpose. It is not all your job to do though. You just have to lead them to Him and let Him work through them. By no means is it your duty to take on their burdens, but show them this love and the God who wants to help them. He will then put His yoke upon them, making their burdens light.
You are not alone. This subject is very tricky to talk about for sure, but something has to be said about it. It is not enough to sit around and pretend like nothing is happening, because it actually is. Everyone struggles. There is not one person on this Earth that has not struggled and that is all due to the fact that we are human. As humans we make mistakes and have a mindset leading us to feel so unworthy and not wanted. I promise you, you are not the only one who is impacted by this. In fact, every single person is even though the way one experiences it may be different from another person. There are lots of people out there who genuinely care so much about you. You may feel like no one does, but I assure you people do. There will always be someone that cares. Always. You do not have to struggle alone. There are so many people out there who want to help you. And all you have to do is reach out.
Along with saying this, you never know what the people around you are going through. That person you pass through in the hallways with a smile on their face may be battling something really hard, but you would not know. That person who sits alone at lunch may be struggling to see their worth, but you would not know. Even your closest friend may be having thoughts of harming themselves, whatever it may be, do not be afraid to reach out. Do not be afraid to talk to that person no one talks too. Do not be afraid to have an authentic conversation with those around you. You never know how much of an impact you could have on someone by simply taking time to talk to them and showing you care. There are people out there who use their free time to talk to you, but there are others who free up time during their day to talk to you. There is a difference. Sometimes the simplest act has the biggest impact on someone. Remember that. What you choose to do will impact someone, whether that be positively or negatively. What you choose to do ultimately matters.
Altogether, just know that you matter so much to the Heavenly Father. He desires to know you more and loves you with His whole heart and life. He gave this life to you for a reason and if you are struggling, hope can be found through and in Him. He is the healer.
Please know that this post is me simply giving my opinion on the topic. I am not a doctor or specialist of any kind, so please do not take any of this as professional advice.
If you or someone you know is suffering with depression or having suicidal thoughts, please seek help from a trusted individual, youth minister or Pastor, a medical professional, or call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline (1-800-273-8255) which is available 24/7, 365 days a year.